i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
