I'm lost and stupid without you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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