oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
