im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
