And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just pee around me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
