Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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