'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
