trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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