Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
