barbara walters just said penis...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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