I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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