I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
