The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is the high leading the old right now
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
