literally had 100 drinks last night.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
