why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
