And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
