god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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