she woke up with a sticky ear
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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