my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
