When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
