just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
