the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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