Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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