I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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