I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
