I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
