GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
