I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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