Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
