I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my being single is dangerous.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
