i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
