i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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