I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
