just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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