why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
