You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
