I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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