He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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