help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
