The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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