I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
