No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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