benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
