Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
