just survived the first fart of the relationship.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
