paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
