:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
