I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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