I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
