she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
