Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
